5. The Dog Ate It – Pets are such a wonderful addition to the family. They protect you, they’re loyal, they’re cute (most of them at least), and they somehow like to involve themselves in your sex life. So picture yourself in your folks house, just finishing up a hot and heavy rodeo, when the dog comes in and politely takes the used condom off your hands for you. Only he actually lets the entire house full of people know that you just got some. Or what about the leg humping canine, that waits until you’re in full makeout mode to let your new friend know how much he “likes” him. Don’t expect a second date.
4. “I thought you were into…” – This one isn’t really related to sex, but it’s still pretty hilarious. I’ve heard this story numerous times and it never gets old. You’re a nice looking guy with such a great sense of style (much like the hottie below) that even the girls sometimes get jealous. Your co-worker, another suave gentleman, invites you to a club with friends. You notice that everyone there also has amazing taste in fashion, but you think nothing of it until one of the guys asks you out on a date. It’s always funnier when it happens to guys, because it seems to bother them more than women. But guys, if you’re mistaken for gay, take it as a compliment, it usually means your mom/sister/girlfriend doesn’t have to dress you, because you actually have decent taste in clothes.
3. The Gagging, Farting, Queef – Yea yea yea “We all do it, it’s natural”. I’m sure that was your response when you read #3. Yes, we all do it, but something about doing it during an intimate moment just kills the mood! Especially if you can tell he ate a chimichanga with jalapenos on the side. Luckily for us, this is a really a non factor in the whole scheme of things, and most guys and gals forgive, forget, or move on soon after. If it was the latter of the three, they probably weren’t worth two dead flies to begin with.
2. Nails and Teeth – Ladies you’re notorious for this and it must stop! A little nibble here or there isn’t bad, but seriously, don’t go anywhere near a guy’s junk when you’ve just gotten your nails manicured. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard horror stories about guys literally in tears while getting a nice job from their girl and suddenly getting nicked or bit too hard. Not only does it hurt, but it ruins the moment. So then you have to awkwardly stop while he holds back the tears. Not a good look.
1. Ah The Roommate – Everyone has a roommate story, but only recently have I heard one that’s just really uncomfortable for everyone involved. College dorm room suite, circa 2013 where two rooms share a bathroom in the middle. One guy is going at it with some unlucky chick who doesn’t even know what’s in store. They make a ridiculous amount of noise (for two kids that really know nothing about sex) and he climaxes prematurely, causing her to run to the bathroom to wipe herself with a towel, only to find the suitemate on the toilet pleasuring himself to the wonderful sounds of hot Freshman sex. This is the most awkward encounter of all.
Do you have some stories ever more embarrassing than these? I’d love to hear them! Comment below with the funniest sex story you’ve ever heard!